Women And Motor Cycles

A strange question popped up in my mind a few days ago, and the question is - "What are the similarities between women and motor cycles?"

Here are some of the answers I have come up with:

• They both look good in red or black.
• They make a lot of noise.
• You can ride both of them.
• They can be high maintenance.
• If you take care of them they make sure that your ride is smooth (no pun intended).
• Mishandling them may land you in a world of hurt (both emotional and physical).
• They both look most beautiful when they are just standing in a corner without indulging in any kind of verbal/noise emanating activity.
• Most of us do not like to share them, but some of us are okay with sharing them with others - on a fairly regular basis.
• Riding them for too long may cause body (back?) pain.
• Sometimes you look at somebody else's and instantly wish that you had theirs.
• If treated well, they both would stay with us for the rest of our lives.

The Root Of All Evil..

This is absolutely hilarious. Larry King is evil!!!!

NASA Simulator Prepares Astronauts For Rigors Of An Interview With Larry King

I just added a few "gadgets" here to make you wait a little more for this page to load. See if you like them.

Grand Theft Auto..

Something totally bizarre happened yesterday.

Whenever I come out of a Wal-mart store carrying more than one grocery bag, I open the back door of my car from a distance, walk up to it, open the back door, and keep my stuff in the back seat. Yesterday, when I got out of the store, I did the same thing. But when I opened the door, the light turned on, which I thought was bizzare (it's usually doesn't). Anyway, while keeping my grocery bags in the back seat, the dashboard in the front happened to come in my line of vision, and that kind of freaked me out. There were around four knobs there, and I am used to seeing only too. There was a little too much of blue and red around those knobs, and I am not used to seeing too much of that at all. I actually panicked. I could not understand how it could all happen. Then I thought that maybe this is how my car looks like from the inside. A second later I thought that maybe I am hallucinating. The left back door was open, my stuff was on the back seat, and I was half inside, staring at the front from the back in astonishment, thinking what really went wrong.

All this happened for not more than 7-8 seconds. And then it struck me.

It was not my car.

I quickly took my stuff out, shut the door, and looked around. My car was parked next to this one. Same color. Same freaking size. This one was a Ford Focus. I quickly looked around again to see if anyone was watching. There was a huge SUV parked at a distance with lights on. I thought that the guy would perhaps call the cops and tell them about how a terrorist planted a bomb in somebody else's car and drove away in a red Honda Civic. But that didn't happen.

Moral of the story - before you get in "your" car in a parking lot it is better to do a thorough check to make sure that it really is yours. And for God's sake, please don't leave your doors unlocked.

Plan A Update

Update:

I think Plan A was a success.

Details:

Side View:

Viewer View:

TV View:
To Be Viewed View: Empty Stomach View:

Blogging: The ultimate Internet based anti-boredom tool.

Oh God! Please give me the strength to do my laundry tomorrow!!!

...Ah! But I digress..

One of the joys of living alone - You can crap with the bathroom door open. 

Oh Gawd!!

This post may gross you out a bit.

After so many years, I puked like crazy. Yes sir, friday night. I went to a bar friday night with a couple of friends, got totally hammered and did not even realize it. I was totally okay when I was inside the bar. But once we got out and sat in the car, my head started spinning. I still could not anticipate catastrophe, because I end up with a spinning head almost every friday and saturday anyway. But deep down inside I knew something was not right, that is why I did not even bother to go take my car which was parked at my friend's place. I got back home, took my shoes and pants off, and crashed out. Within minutes I could feel stuff coming out. Usually I try to hold it in my mouth and swallow it back, but only this time the volume and pressure of the stuff was way too much for me to handle.

So I let the stuff come out. And hence, I technically puked.

Of course, once this process starts, it goes through multiple cycles. So I puked again. But only this time, I rushed to the bathroom. What I did not realize was that my room was a dirty mess, with my stuff (read clothes) lying around everywhere. So I pretty much puked on my clothes before I downloaded the remaining puke in the wash basin.

When I got up the next morning, I almost cried. My eyes could not see and believe the mass destruction I had caused the previous night. The entire episode flashed in front of my eyes in a few seconds. And oh yeah, my head was screaming with pain and disgust. I followed the "bread crumbs" to my bathroom and saw that there was puke around the wash basin too. Then the thought of what I did (that I always do when I go get drunk at a bar) grossed me out. I have a tendency of overtipping the bartender whenever I go to a bar, and I realized that I had tipped the guy 50% . Like always, it hurt. But the sight of puke lying everywhere hurt me more.

My friend picked me up soon so that I could go to his place and take my car. Take my car I did, and went to Hy-vee to buy a carpet cleaner and some food. I came back home, watched a movie, and ate my food, my head still spinning like a crazy catherine wheel. After a while, I started scrubbing my carpet. Scrubbed like crazy and got the stains to "kind of" disappear. Did my laundry too.

I sulked the entire day - I did not really know what was happening and did not really know what to do. In the evening I went to the only Indian restaurant in town, got me some food, came back, ate it, and slept. At 10, which is totally bizarre.

I got up this morning and felt so much better, and the fact that I gained an hour made me jump with joy :D.

The last time I went on a puking rampage was in 2001.

Ass..

So traditionally I make a fool of myself whenever I go to a Hindu temple, and this time was no exception. 

Last friday I went to this Hindu temple around 30 miles from Ames to get Pooja done for something new I bought. When I entered the temple I noticed that the Panditji was about to start a Pooja for someone else. So I also decided to stand there with folded hands, knowing that my Pooja would not be done that day, and that I would have to come back some other time. Anyway, Panditji started the Pooja, and there were around 10 of us. To be honest (sorry God!) I get very bored during Poojas that last more than 15 minutes. So after 15 minutes I totally lost my focus and started looking at all the idols inside the temple. I was also thinking of blogging about the entire situation too. I was in a different world. That is when I noticed that Panditji was asking each one of us our names and our gotras. I instantly knew that the time had come to embarass myself. I vaguely remembered that my mom once told me that my gotra is haritsa. But somehow I was not very sure. I kind of convinced myself that it was not haritsa. Panditji came to me and asked me my name first. I said Venkat. Then he said, "Which Gotra?". I blurted out "Haritsa" and immediately I said, "I don't know". Panditji gave me a weird stare. I said Haritsa again, and Panditji started chanting shlokas in sanskrit. By now I was very much convinced that my gotra was not haritsa. There I was, standing and thinking that the Pooja would have no effect on me whatsoever because of the wrong gotra.

So now two things were happening to me. Firstly, I felt like a complete idiot. I, a 28 year old guy, did not know his gotra, and by saying "I don't know" in front of 9 other people, I made a complete fool of myself. Secondly, I lost my focus again. I started thinking about food, the rain outside, the people inside and what not. 

I usually dont care when I make a fool of myself because it has become a way of life, but this time was different. I strongly felt that I should have atleast known my gotra for God's sake. And also, there are so many other things in life that I cannot ignore/avoid anymore. I thought to myself that I should start behaving myself, and that I should take life more seriously. I cannot just keep having fun all the time.

But two days later I was like - screw it. I am not going to kill myself thinking about just about every minor thing in life. 

I know for a fact that I am as stubborn as a mule. I don't think I would ever change.

Sweet!

I will not spend any money on anything fancy and useless this month. Last weekend I think I spent more than I was expecting to spend on my Chicago trip (which was Uber fun!). I have also bought a nice little surprise for some people I know - but that's it. No more toys and video games this month. If I go to Minneapolis next weekend, I will spend on alcohol because I have asked my cousin to get drunk with me.

That's it.

PS: I can't believe I spent close to $100 last month on toys. I usually buy small toys from Wal-mart but last month I went to Toys-R-Us, and the rest, as they say, is history.

But I like the toys I bought - Die cast war helicopters and tanks, and Eric Cartman and Butters bobbleheads ;-).

Sweet!

O-O-O-O-Oshikuru..

You know how when you hear someone sing a song and you like it, you start singing it all day long and just don't stop? Well, I remembered a few songs that I keep singing these days non-stop. These are from TV shows..

1. Charlie Harper(Sheen) in Two and a Half Men. He changes the words of the popular christmas carol "Joy to the World.." to "Joy to the world, I am getting laid..I am getting laid tonight..."

2. Charlie Harper in Two and a Half Men again. He is supposed to write the theme song for a TV show based on an Anime character "Oshikuru". This is what he comes up with:

"O O O O Oshikuru
O O O O Oshikuru
My oh my he's a demon samurai..
Who's the guy who had to die...
O-Shi-Ku-Ru."

Here's the video:

3. Karen (Rashida Jones) in The Office - Phyllis's Wedding. They show her sing just one line of "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" By The Police.

4. Dennis and Charlie in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Oh my God! Crazy song from the craziest TV show I have ever seen. Take a look.

Flashed..

Oh my God!

Can't stop watching "Women's Appreciation" from season 3 of The Office. Watch the first few minutes of that episode when Pam tells Michael that Phyllis was flashed and he starts laughing and then does stuff with his finger. Oh my God! Absolutely hilarious! It's really really gross and cheap, but that's why it is so funny, right?

I still can't stop laughing.

Steve Carell is the master of comedy.

This Or That..

Okay, I succumbed to temptation and bought a subscription to Rhapsody just a few minutes ago. I can now listen to Radiohead for an n number of times, without any interruptions.

While making the payment I was thinking of discontinuing Netflix. Maybe I would. I don't know. I got the Starz/Encore package with my cable, so maybe I should get rid of Netflix. Or maybe Starz/Encore should go after a month or so. It's clear that I have way too many sources of entertainment now - Something has to be sacrificed.

I think Netflix would stay.

I Love Her..I Love Her Not

Yesterday was perhaps the first saturday when I sat at home the entire day (well, I did go out to get myself a Subway sandwich). Since I had to kill time somehow, I decided to watch movies, and ended up watching four.

The movies I watched were Kamikaze Girls, Enemy At The Gates, National Lampoon's Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj, and Amelie.

And then I fell in love.

Some of you may not know but I have a thing for girls with short hair - I find them cute. I go absolutely crazy when I see a girl like that. My brain goes for a holiday, and my heart starts to smile. The damage is doubled if the girl has a very very cute smile...just like Amelie.

Watching Amelie was deja vu all over again. I was in a similar situation 10 years ago - when I had fallen in love with Meg Ryan. Internet in those days was a new and expensive concept, and every month I ran up my telephone bill high, downloading pictures of Meg Ryan. My dad always got mad, but then I was pretty sure that I would have gotten slapped if I had told my dad how much I loved Meg.

So well, the same thing happened last night. I totally fell in love with Amelie, and throughout the movie I could not help wondering how cute she was, and that what would I have to do to get a girl like her. I kind of swallowed my pride for a moment and decided to hunt for a girl like her. Life can be a blessing if spent with a girl like Amelie, I thought. Her presence would bring a smile to my face, I thought. Spending the rest of my life with such a pretty yet sensible girl would make my existence worthwhile, I thought.

The movie ended,...

..and I finished my third beer and slept.

I got up this morning at 11:30, and smiled. The effect of last night's beer had totally vanished from my body, and here I was wondering if I could have gotten up at 11:30 if I were married. The answer was clearly no. I thanked God for my singlehood, made myself a cup of tea, and spent of the rest of the day doing absolutely nothing.

The Namesake?

Today I decided to watch The Namesake. Dissapointed.

It's ironic how while reading the book I thought that Jhumpa Lahiri had paid too much attention to detail - to the extent that it annoyed me. But the movie is just the opposite. No detail at all. Everything in the movie happened so abruptly - so abruptly that it annoyed me.

And the facts - completely twisted.

- To start with, Ashoke smokes in the movie. Now, in the book, Ashoke was apparently the only bengali guy in the US who did not smoke.

- When Ashoke goes to meet Ashima at her house, her parents tell his parents that her best subject is English. Then her dad asks her to to recite something, and she recites"Daffodils" by William Wordsworth. As far as I know, that never happened in the book.

- In the movie, Ashoke is doing his PhD in fiber optics in New York, but the book mentions that he was in Cambridge. Surprise Surprise!

- The movie completely ignores Gogol's ceremony in which he is asked to grab either a pen, a dollar bill, or something else (can't recall what). I thought the scene was funny. Instead, they show Sonia's ceremony.

- Gogol's college girlfriend Ruth does not appear in the movie at all.

- The Ganguli family goes to India for 3 months after he graduates from high school. In the book, they went to India when he was still in 10th grade.

- In the movie, Gogol meets Moushumi after his high school graduation. In the book, he met her when he was 6.

- Which reminds me, On the day he graduates Gogol is shown smoking weed with his friends with a tassle wrapped around it. First - Not mentioned anywhere in the book. Second - utterly gross.

- Ashoke barges into Gogol's room when he is headbanging and air guitaring to Pearl Jam's "Once". In the book, he was listening to The Beatles.

- In the movie, Gogol discusses his plans of changing his name with everyone in the family at the dinner/lunch table. Ashoke just says "everything is possible in America" and goes away to smoke. The book, as a matter of fact, had several pages dedicated to this situation - "in detail".

This is when I couldn't take it anymore and decided not to watch the rest of it. Those of you who have not seen the movie - don't. Read the book instead. It is much more engrossing and painful - and will bring tears to your eyes.

Flash To The Power of n

This morning I woke up to my ridiculously hideous fire alarm like sounding phone alarm. At first I could not understand the situation simply because I am used to getting up to a nicer sounding radio clock alarm that goes off four minutes earlier. I did get up to switch it off but instantly got lost trying to determine what might have gone wrong with my radio clock alarms (ya, two of 'em). I looked at one of the alarm clock and saw the digits flashing. That is when I realized that there was a power outage last night, and that all the clocks have been reset. I looked at the other clock - same thing. I said "what the hell" to myself and continued with the daily painful, forgetful act of getting ready to go to work.

I came back in the evening, watched some TV and came in to my bedroom to switch on my computer. That is when I saw those flashing digits on my radio clock again that reminded me of the entire "getting up to the weirdest alarm sound" encounter. I was lazy enough not to set the time on both the clocks and that is the reason why I am so annoyed right now. One clock is almost in front of me, just a little to the left. Now them flashing numbers are hurting my eyes. They are not directly in my line of vision, but I can still see them do the new age phoenix repeatedly from the corner of my left eye. The non stop flashing is making me think of an SOS call of a sinking ship going horribly wrong.

The situation I am in right now is worse than the one in which you are with a girl who seeks constant attention. I want to get rid of it but I can't , because it's happening right in front of me. I can make it stop but I won't because I am too lazy. It's like I know I am getting fatter by the day but I still won't go exercise (figuratively speaking, okay?). It's like I know I am damn hungry but still won't eat at my relative's house because I am shy (figuratively speaking, okay?).

laziness has become a way of life. Sometimes I wonder if my children would be so lazy too.

Help me God.

Funny, Isn't It?

I have realized that I cannot watch just about any comedy movie. It has to have that element that would make me laugh my lungs out.

I guess there is a variety of comedy movies. One - that is cheap to the bone and is outrageously ridiculous. Two - subtle, intelligent humor which involves a small, creative effort that results in a big imact. Three - Romantic comedies - romance to the power of n with a few "funny" things thrown in to make you chuckle. Finally, "based on true story" comedies - the ones in which the protagonist is a loser, and everything he does goes wrong (read Adam Sandler variety) which apparently is funny for some reason(ever noticed that the losers in such movies are usually men).

I really like type one and two. These are the ones that make me laugh the hardest. I can watch such movies every day and every night. Type three is a big no no. As I said, I watch comedy movies to laugh or to atleast maintain a constant grin on my face throughout the movie. I don't want to chuckle. I can't watch a hundred minutes movie to just smile on the cute things the couple indulges in. And of course, an interesting fact - All these movies start with the girl hating the guy. In the end, however, they kiss, and sometimes even marry. Life is so beautiful. Romance 24 X 7 is what it's all about.

Type four - silly. So silly that it's not even funny. This movie usually does not have a good storyline, and is forgotten within weeks of its big bang release. No wonder such movies don't win Oscars. I have tried to watch such movies, but fail to finish them. No, I don't fall asleep. I just pull the disc out of in anger and disgust, cursing myself for bringing such a nimrodic movie. I then slam a beer to get rid of the pain.

Oh yes, I also like movies in which the F word is superoverused, like atleast twice in one dialog. If you have watched Coffee and Cigarettes (scene 4 - "Those things'll kill ya" ) then you know what I am talking about.

Beep!

I just hate it when the microwave keeps giving the constant "friendly" reminder beep after the food is done. Why can't it just sit quietly and mind its own business? My microwave is actually beeping away to glory as I sit in my bedroom and type this post.

Mr. microwave - I know the food is done. The only reason I am not taking the food out is because I am doing something that is probably more important.

I am hungwee *groan*.

To Bathe Or Not To Bathe

Every saturday afternoon (not morning), when I am taking a shower, a thought comes to my mind - Why is bathing a necessity? Why cannot it be a hobby, or an activity?

This thought comes to me only on saturdays because that is the only day when I bathe with no worries - of getting late to work, etc. I just stand under the shower - and sink into oblivion. I must confess that I thoroughly enjoy the process..only on a saturday, that is. So again, why is it a necessity? Why can't I just wash my face, brush my teeth every morning and just go to work, without bothering too much about body odour and all that nonsense?

*sigh*.

Hair Cut

I have not had a hair cut in 3 months. I am trying to grow my hair, and I really want to see how much more can my hair make people scream in disgust and agony. I look shabby already, and to be honest, I really don't know how to take care of my hair. I do use shampoo and conditioner fairly regularly, but that's it. I don't know any other magic trick that would make me look like Zoolander.

I usually get a haircut every month, or perhaps one and a half months.

Today, however, I thought that it's really not such a good idea, and decided to get a hair cut. I have a job now, and I really cannot afford to look like a hippy - my officemates would start despising me. So I bathed, shaved, dressed up and got out of my apartment. It was a little cloudy and windy, but nice overall. I reached Main Street where I checked out six different salons, one by one.. - all fudging closed! Can you believe it? Not even one was open. All closed! Now the people that run those salons should realize that their are some businesses (like theirs) that thrive only or mostly on the weekends. So those involved in such businesses cannot afford to shut down on saturdays and sundays. That's utter foolishness. If they were cutting hair for free then it would have been a completely different issue. But no, they charge you 12 - 15 bucks, and they want you to go to them at their convenience - not yours.

How in the world is that supposed to make life comfortable (mine, not theirs)?

Self Control, eh?

I have been resisiting temptation - big time!

I have gotten into this habit of getting on to Amazon, Deals of America and other such websites and looking at all the wonderful materialistic things available on this planet. I instantly fall in love with them, and decide to buy them right away. I even click "check out", but the moment I am asked to enter my credit card information, I say to myself - "Hmmm..do I really need it?". My inner self gives me a big NO. Then I ask my inner self to justify the negative answer, and the answer that follows is "I REALLY don't need it". That is when some sense prevails and I realize how stupid I am. I just don't allow the devil inside me to control my thought process anymore. I close the browser window, and then say to myself - "Boy, I REALLY didn't need it".

Six days have passed (in this monh, that is!) and I have not bought even a single item that would make the devil inside me dance with pleasure. I am just thinking that that the angel inside me deserves better treatment. No more tears, my angel, no more tears.

Some of the things that I have avoided in the last so many days are:

- Laser Printer.
- Music System.
- Music System.
- Electric Accoustic Guitar.
- Wireless Speakers.
- Under Cabinet CD Player.
- Numerous HDTVs.
- Furniture at IKEA (!).
- Useless yet attractive stuff on Deals of America.