Oops, I Did It Again!

A while ago I was thinking about how and where I embarrass myself, and came up with these:

The Hindu temple: I have a knack for saying or doing something that kind of irks the pandit or the people at the temple. The last time I went to the temple was around a month ago because it was an important occasion (and my mom forced me to go). That day I went to the temple wearing a green t-shirt with guitars on it, a faded blue jeans, and Chucks. When I entered the temple, I saw everyone else dressed up nicely (men in formal pants and buttoned shirts or kurta and women in sari)- and immediately felt ashamed of myself. I quickly offered my prayers and sneaked out quietly. To read more about my temple stories, click on the Temple Drama label.

During random conversations: I lose interest very quickly if the conversation is not interesting - I completely stop paying attention. My brain is always looking for opportunities to hibernate, and that is what it successfully does when I lose interest in a conversation. The two things that do not hibernate and remain active all the time though, are my head and vocal chords. So during a "lost interest already" conversation I keep nodding my head, and I keep saying "umhmm, umhmm", "yeah", "sure" and similar things just to maintain the continuity of the conversation without letting the other person know about the situation. But some people are smart - way too smart. They somehow come to know that I am not paying attention. They suddenly stop talking, and ask me, "so what did I just say?". Oops. That is when I shit bricks in my pants and grin like an idiot. I also admit defeat and say "sorry (I wasn't listening)". :D

Note: If you are talking to me and all you hear me say is one of the things I mentioned above, then you (now) know what's going on.

Social gatherings: I was telling someone recently about my "performance" when I am around other people - inconsistent. I can either be very comfortable and keep blabbering and clowning around like a buffoon , or, turn totally antisocial and just keep my mouth shut. Usually the antisocial situation occurs when either I do not know what the people are talking about, or people do not get my jokes. People not getting my jokes is more embarrassing because it's kind of awkward when I am the only one laughing like an asshole at the end of the joke. So if I am with you (and your friends) and I am acting strange, it's your fault.

Accent: It doesn't happen anymore but it used to when I came to the US a few years ago - I obviously had problems understanding the accent. If somebody said something and I didn't understand, I would just reply back keeping in mind the tone of their speech, and go, "yes", or "yeah" or "oh yeah? ha ha ha". I am sure everybody thought I was a jackass.

Note: It still happens once in a while ;-).

I think I am going to embarrass myself even more now. I am not happy about the fact that this post is going to show up on Facebook.

*sigh*

Will It Ever End?

Episode 1.

Episode 2.

..and the saga continues.

I went to the temple around 2 weeks ago to pray for a few random things in life. Well, the real reason is that I had spoken to my mom that morning and she asked me to go to the temple instead of just sitting at home and sulking (it was a saturday). I tripped on endless cups of chai the entire day and finally decided to leave at 7.

The temple closes at 8.

It took me around 45 minutes to reach there because one, it was raining, and two, for some reason the folks who built the temple decided to build it in the middle of a tiny, godforsaken town, the roads to which have been cursed with endless number of speed limits at different stretches. Also, the last road that takes you to the temple was covered with a fine layer of pure white ice (not snow, ice).

Anyway, I park my car and entered the temple. I saw panditji talking to an Indian couple. His wife was also standing there, just listening to the other couple crib about life. I removed my shoes and went to the hall where all the idols are. I folded my hands, closed my eyes, and started praying. But, the constant bickering of the husband and wife outside stopped me from fully focussing on what I was supposed to focus. They both were so freaking loud - it was like they both were trying to outdo each other. The guy was telling panditji about how he told his boss that he would not go to California and that he wants a project in Des Moines and all that. In my mind I was like, yeah right, as if that's going to happen and as if you actually talked to your boss in that tone. The wife was complaining about the weather and about how they don't have comforters and what not.

Anyway, those two idiots left the temple, and at the same time I finished my prayers. Panditji came to me and said, "main aapka naam bhool raha hoon" which literally means - I am forgetting your name. I told him my name and he went, "oh yaad aaya" (Ah! Now I remember). He asked me why I was visiting after a long time (September). I just rambled something and escaped the situation. Obviously he did not remember our conversation from my last visit, so he said, "to south se hain aap" (So you are from the south) to which I made a funny face and told him (again) that my parents are from the south and that I was born in Gujarat and brought up in Delhi. He said no wonder you speak such good hindi. I smiled a "whatever" smile. He then brought forward the silver plate that had the lit karpur so that I could take aarti. The plate also had a few one dollar bills that other people must have donated. I took the aarti, looked at the bills, and then looked at panditji. I saw a gleam of expectation in his eyes. I think he was envisioning me pulling out my wallet from my pocket, taking out a dollar or two and keeping them in the plate. I, on the other hand, was thinking about the only dollar bill that I had in my wallet (I keep it for a rainy day. I am more of a credit card person - I am a sucker for 2% cashbacks), and whether or not to let it go.

I decided not to.

I kept looking at panditji. He kept looking at me. After a few seconds, the gleam in his eye vanished, and I saw anger. And perhaps a little bit of embarrassment. I am sure he must have called me an a-hole in his mind. But I really couldn't do anything. I definitely felt bad for coming to the temple and not donating anything, but I went with my instincts on this one.

He chatted with me for a few more minutes, but only this time I could not look him in the eye. First, because I was embarrassed, and second, I thought that a third eye might pop up on his forehead and burn me to ashes there and then. He gave me prasad also - four bananas, probably because it was time to close the temple and he wanted to finish those bananas on me. I got excited nevertheless, and grabbed those bananas with a smile on my face.

I went outside, got in my car and kept thinking about when the day would come when I would go inside a temple and come out without embarrasing myself or someone else.