Babies

After watching Multiplicity last night, I thought to myself - Why doesn't somebody mass produce babies and sell them at  stores so that we could just go and pick one (fair skinned babies would be a huge hit with Indian parents!). The babies should come with certain features though - they  should never get hungry, never cry ( hate it when they cry in supermarkets and airplanes), and perhaps never grow up (some people complain that they loved their kids so much when they were little). 

I love babies, but not sure if I can handle one of my own. I would rather have a dog. Or a spider. Even a fairly sophisticated robot would keep me entertained for years (Should recharge its own batteries though).

I Am A Football Expert Because I Update My Facebook Status Every 10 Seconds

There's one aspect of smart phones that I am not really liking these days, and that aspect is the Facebook app. Now don't get me wrong. I spend most of my time holding my phone or my iPod Touch and checking out Facebook updates. However, there is something that is kind of annoying me, and it will stop on the 11th of this month for sure (I hope).

We all love football, and the last three weeks or so have been extra special because of the World Cup. Now this is where my problem starts. It goes without saying that everybody (including the ones who have never played football passionately but have watched the Lipstick League on cable every year) is an "armchair expert" of this game. I don't mind that. We all have opinions, and we all make judgments. Nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is that all of those so called experts are updating their Facebook statuses every 10 minutes on their phones. 

"OMG! OMG!"

"Handball!"

"That was not a fair yellow"

"$&^k the referee"

..and the list goes on.

I know that there was a goal. I know somebody got a red card, and I freaking know that the referees are not doing a good job. What I don't know is why you all cannot just quietly watch the game and keep your excitement and emotions to yourself or the people around you? 

Being a Facebook junkie, I keep checking my Facebook all the time, and all I see are these insane statuses - every 5 - 10 minutes. The biggest mistake I make is when I comment on somebody's status (or even just Like it for that matter). I keep notification emails about the fifteen of my friend's friends who just commented on his status right after mine. The phone keeps beeping and when I check my email, all I see is "Asshole # 1 commented on your Assholic friend's status", "Asshole # 2 commented on the same Assholic friend's status", and so on.

I don't mind post match comments, but commenting every 5 minutes while the game is still in progress? Don't you understand that nobody gives a chhit about your updates? And also, don't you know that those updates are awfully annoying (yes they are, if you said no to that question)?

I know nobody cares about the emotional trauma I go through when I read those updates, but please, for the love of God, let me watch the games in peace. I am not complaining, I am just saying that I don't want my phone to keep beeping all the time during my game only to tell me that an armchair expert just made a comment about a yellow card. 

Enjoy the World Cup my awesome Facebook friends!

Pop Goes The Corn..

I am not writing about anything exciting. In fact, most of the things I write about are mishaps.

Here's another one.

I recently decided to make some "white chocolate popcorn" (I made that name up). The "recipe" for it was provided by my super cool (ex) boss. Basically, here is what was to be done - get white chocolate, melt it, and pour it over the popcorn. Simple, right?

Wrong.

Why?

Because I was involved.

I was in a very relaxed mood that night - I just wanted to watch some tv and do nothing else. Usually I just grab a bag of chips and start munching, but that (fateful?) night I was a little ambitious. I decided to make the "white chocolate popcorn", not the regular popcorn you losers eat.

Kidding.

Anyway..

I started with the white chocolate bar. The bar was sitting in the fridge for a few days so it was as rigid as the stones used to build the Pyramids. I decided to just keep it on the counter to thaw it, but soon ran out of patience. I used my awesome (not really) knife to cut three huge blocks of that chocolate bar and almost ended up stabbing myself in the thumb.

Now was the time to melt those big boys, and so I did.

In the microwave.

For 3 minutes.

And started watching TV.

At the 2nd minute and 50th second I got up to take a gander at the inside of the microwave, and for a moment could not really comprehend the situation.

Why were there angry black bubbles blowing inside the microwave? Is white chocolate supposed to turn black after heating up? I didn't think so either. Those black bubbles made a certain sizzling sound, and I sensed that something was not right.

In fact, nothing was.

I quickly stopped the microwave (with 3 seconds still left) and opened the door to see my tupperware totally massacred! The black bubbles were made not by the chocolate but the melting plastic, when it was crying in pain, and seeking help.

I was flabbergasted. I had completely underestimated the power of the microwave. At that moment I was thinking that melted chocolate straight out of the microwave has the capability of becoming the deadiest weapon ever. A few seconds later I started thinking about the mess that was to be cleaned in my kitchen.

I then realized that those classic vessels and the stove still exist for a reason. I quietly cut three more blocks of the chocolate and put them in a vessel and melted them on low heat on the stove.

Slowly, and patiently.

And within a few minutes (15?) I was pouring some rich and smooth white chocolate over my popcorn.

The end result.

I munched away to glory watching yet another episode of "It's Always Sunny.." on the DVD. Fifteen or so minutes later I smelled something.

Burning.

With the usual "Oh shit" coming out of my mouth, I leaped and ran towards the stove to see that I had kept the empty vessel on the stove without turning it off! There was just a little bit of chocolate stuck to the bottom here and there, and it was all burning and turning black.

But the damage was not a lot. I quickly washed the pot and the stains went away fairly easily. I kissed my tupperware goodbye (by throwing it in the trash can) and continued to enjoy my popcorn.

All's well that ends well (thanks Boss!).

Incidental Expenses Are So Heavy..

Just this morning I was telling my best friend about how I do not know what I spend my money on, and we both agreed that it is almost certainly impossible to save money, however hard(ly?) we try. He asked me if I bought something new, and I said no, which is true. I have not bought a single interesting gizmo in the last so many months.

After talking to him and a few cups of chai later, something made me go to Amazon's website. Since I was already there I decided to look for some cool electronics stuff. Since I now have an iPod, I decided to look for docking stations for it, convincing myself that I really need one just because they can so conveniently connect the iPod to my stereo, play music and charge it at the same time. I did like one, and almost decided to buy it when my eyes managed to spot one of those ultra cool Streamiums that I had always wanted but could not really get it because they are so expensive. Anyway, I forgot about the dock and started exploring the Streamiums. Philips launched a really cool Streamium last december called the NP2900/37, which I fell totally in love with. The biggest advantage of that player is that I can log in to my Rhapsody account through it and play songs  - without the computer. It only needs an Internet connection - wired or wireless. It can also wirelessly connect to the computer and play songs from the hard drive. And oh yeah, it has Internet radio, which means that I can possibly listen to a gazillion Internet radio stations from around the world. I almost decided to buy it, but something kept stopping me. Then I did a feasibility study. 

I already have a Philips micro system that connects to my computer and plays music that exists on my hard drive. If my computer is turned on then I can access any music website that exists on the Internet and play music, including Rhapsody, last.fm, and Pandora to name a few. If I want Internet radio, I can always use Winamp or go to any other random website that has Internet radio stations. The only disadvantage, if at all it is one, is that there is a USB cable dangling between my computer and the stereo, whereas with the new Streamium it would all be done wirelessly. So, after around 10 hours of thinking and debating, I decided not to spend $230 on something that would really not add value to my experience. Oh, and I decided not to spend $140 on the dock also. I will continue to use the RCA cable that I have to connect my iPod to the stereo, for which I paid $3 around a year ago.

But you know what I really want? A vacuum cleaner. Seriously, I want one really bad. The one I have is really crappy and just doesn't do anything. For me, vacuuming with that vacuum cleaner means literally (hand) picking stuff from the floor and breaking my back. 

But again, something always stops me. I feel that I just should not spend too much on a vacuum cleaner.

I know I am wrong.

And of course like I always say, I know how good my bad luck is. While Amazoning today my computer's power adaptor died, and my computer's got like 50 minutes of power left in it. Now I will really really have to buy a power adaptor. This is something I cannot avoid. The adaptor had died two years ago also, and I had paid 90 bucks back then to get a new one. 

Oh fudge.

Thanks For Reading, Dear..

The thing that really really annoys me is when I am addressed as "Dear" by someone. For example, If I get an email or a message that starts with "Hi Dear" or How are you dear" -  I freak out. I freak out even more when the email or message ends with "take care dear" or "bye dear". It is the worst end to a usually awesome email. And the funny thing is that only Indians seem to do this. Even guys. Okay, I can understand when a message from a girl comes with an extra coating of dearness - they are generally affectionate, and loving, and caring, and many (some?) of them believe in displaying their qualities with no or minimal subtleties.

But when guys do the same thing, I start to make faces, because that really disgusts me. I don't like it when guys go "ok take care dear, bbye!" or "Hey, remember me dear?", and like I said, for some reason unknown to me, or perhaps to mankind, only Indian folks do it. I don't know how it got in to their (our?) system, but it is devastating. The word makes me queasy for atleast four minutes, after which I promise myself that I would never use that word in a sentence ever. 

Another thing that annoys me is the bunch of emails with cute little puppies, kitties, babies, or very pretty flowers with the message "Good morning" or "have a great day", or something utterly similar and cliched and stupid. I mean, why in the world do you think your email would add goodness to my morning or greatness to my day? Do you think I would be pleased by looking at those animals and flowers so pretty that they are not at all seen in the real world, but only in emails sent by you awesomely brain dead imbeciles who think cuteness in an email somehow adds value to a certain someone's day? Oh and yeah, have you ever noticed how these emails are sent by the same assholes again and again, on a fairly regular basis?

It's just amazing how people keep doing the same thing for years as if it were their moral responsibility. Ask them to lend you some money, and they won't.  Try to borrow their video game or DVD for a day or two, and they would flatly refuse. But they would most certainly forward you those sickening emails that only make your day worse, even if you told them that they should stop those forwards with immediate effect. 

The worst part is when you notice that your name is the first in the huge "To" list on that email. 

Sick.

One Of Those Days..

What a day it has been.

 When work load is a little high and there is a deadline to be met, people generally slog like donkeys and try to be as productive as possible. But it's just the opposite in my case. 

I had 5 cups of coffee in the first two hours of the day (was kind of grossed out by the time I finished half of the fifth cup), and then facebooked the entire rest of the day. I did feel guilty at regular intervals, but hell, it was not enough make me feel ashamed of myself and get me back to work. I even stayed back a little bit today. Well, that sounds stupid and bizarre, considering the fact that I was not at all productive today. I actually stayed back because I had started a stupid "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia"  trivia session on Facebook, and I was hell bent on getting atleast 2000 points. 

I finished with 2100.

Well, it's a friday, so my actions are somewhat justified. I think.

Now I am thinking that my boss would see this post and fire me immediately, just like the girl who got fired even before she started her work at Cisco.

Oh well.

The more I drink coffee, the more I yawn.

Supply Chain Gone Wrong Or Just Indifference?

In grad school we read so many case studies and articles about how amazing and powerful Wal-mart's supply chain is, with the real cool satellite links and sophisticated tracking systems and what not. I knew for a fact that the case studies were fairly accurate not because I never found anything missing in a Wal-Mart store, but because I always saw so many Wal-Mart semis on city roads and highways. Of course, there are so many of those always parked in the unloading zone of every store.

But lately, I have seen that they don't have stuff available - stuff that I really want. Last week, whenever I went to the Wal-Mart in my town to get green chillies, they didn't have it. I went there around 3 times. They didn't have it. I once went to the store in the morning to get my breakfast, and the presence of those freshly sprinkled peppers made me smile. I thought to myself that I would buy them on my way back home in the evening. I went to the store in the evening - they didn't have it! )

I wanted ginger yesterday (dry cough sucks!). I went to the store and did not find it. I even asked an associate, and she pointed me to a certain area and said that I would find ginger there. I told her that I have already looked there.

"Then we don't have it".

Seriously?

For two weeks I have been trying to get wheat tortillas at Wal-Mart. I just cannot find them. They have all kinds of tortillas - tomato basil, spinach, four flour, and what not. But wheat - no sir.

Whenever I don't find anything in a Wal-Mart store, I think of the articles I read in school, and then I go - "No, this can't be really happening". But the only problem is that it really is. Are the satellites hibernating? Is the tracking system malfunctioning? Or am I just over reacting to the absence of veggies in the store?

If I go tell one of them authors from HBR or Business Week or whatever about my experiences, would they believe me? I am sure I will be a tiny little dot on the graph far far away from the others, and they would outlie me. Perhaps, they would not even believe me in the first place.

But it's just sad to see things not available in my favorite store.

*sigh*

Missed Connections?

Lance Armstrong was in town, and I did not know. That was last month. He was in town to promote RAGBRAI. Apparently he does that every year. I got to know about it when I (over)heard two girls talking about it. I was in the mall buying birthday gifts for myself. I asked the girls if he would be in town the next day. They said they weren't sure.

Maybe I will get a chance to see him next year.

Totally missed Lollapalooza, and I hate myself for it. I had to miss it last year because I had an exam. I had to miss it this year because I had to move into my new apartment. Hate it!

So basically I missed NIN and Radiohead. Fuck.

NIN came to Minneapolis too. Couldn't go because of the same reason - moving.

:-(

Spend Spend Spend!!!!!

Today I decided to check out the Walmart super center that recently opened in this town. Well, the motivation to go there actually came from the salary deposit in my bank account last night. To be honest, I really did not need anything from there. But then, as the wise men say, old habits die hard, and the habit we are discussing here is not going to a superstore on saturday afternoons, but actually spending money - wherever and however possible.

For some reason I took the cart today instead of the usual basket, and a cart usually means a bigger bill at the checkout counter. I bought a few useless things, and by useless I mean stuff that I don't "really" need - a webcam, kitchen towels (have 5 of them already), screwdriver (have two sets already), wrenches (seriously?), a radio clock (Got two of those), night lamp in the shape of a tea kettle (no way dude!), guitar picks, and a few more things. But honestly, the number of items were around ten to twelve, that's how I qualified to get into the express checkout counter. The lady at the counter was nice. She asked me if I played the guitar - I said I try. The kettle shaped night lamp actually brought a smile to her face :). She thought it was cute. I said it was funny.

Then it happened. After ringing all the items she said, "One O Seven please". While paying for stuff I usually don't pay attention to the amount that the person says - I just swipe my card and give my autograph on the electronic card machine (whatever it's called). But today was not any other day. I was about to swipe my card when I suddenly thought to myself - "now wait a minute. Is it really One O Seven bucks? The lady must have made a mistake while ringing all the items". But after two seconds I did swipe my card. She gave me the receipt and said that I should have a good afternoon. I reciprocated and while walking out of the store decided to do a manual addition. I pulled out the receipt from my pocket and started adding numbers. When the first four items (out of ten or twelve) added up to fifty, I stopped. I had no doubts about the (mis) calculations anymore.

From Walmart I went to Fareway to buy some grocery - basically beer. I usually get Ice House because I think that beer can really give you an orgasm, plus it's cheap, perhaps the cheapest. If I don't feel like drinking Ice House, I get my favorite beer - Rolling Rock. Since my day was already screwed (in terms of careless expenditure, that is), I decided to go on a rampage. I paid an extra dollar and bought Leinenkugel.

Then in the evening I did not feel like cooking anything, so I decided to get something from Subway. I went there and bought not one, but two footlongs. Yes, Footlongs. Two. Not One. And then on my way back home I stopped at Gumby and got ten chicken wings from there.

F*ck!

So actually, this story can tell you a lot about me. When I decide to screw up, I do it big time. If you don't believe me, go ask the credit card companies.

Doesn't the Fed just love people like me these days?

The Missing Piece

My worst nightmare has come true.

I could not finish a puzzle a few days ago because there was a piece missing in the puzzle set.

See the missing piece?

This is what I have dreaded all my life. For some reason whenever I bought a jigsaw puzzle I got the feeling that it would have a piece missing. For so many years, however, this never happened, and my fear was overpowered by the manufacturer's superb quality checks.

But it happened. Two days ago, and now my fear has resurfaced. I will never be able to finish a jigsaw puzzle with full confidence. There will always be an element of suspense. There will always be tension.

The only soultion that comes to my mind is to count the number of pieces in the puzzle first, and if there are any pieces missing, repack the puzzle, send it back to the manufacturer and ask for a refund. But what if I am about to solve a one thousand piece puzzle? Is counting the number of pieces before starting to solve the puzzle really feasible? I don't think so. What if while counting I get bitten by an ant on the floor? I will lose count of all the pieces and will have to start all over again. So I guess I should just keep my finger crossed and hope for the best everytime.

Shadow

That's me in the corner...that's me in the spot..light..

Hello Sexy!

I was on buy.com today, looking at some MP3 players that they have on great discounts. They have the President' s day sale. Well, it seems that there was a very high volume of traffic. Now, you know how when there is an error the website would show a general error page and say that there has been a problem and that you should wait for some time and all that jazz? Buy.com did the same thing, except that they had a very hot looking model on the error page. See it for yourself:

Now, somebody please explain this to me. I am totally stumped. If buy.com were a fashion website, it would have made more sense, but why would that website have a hot/sexy /cute/beautiful/whatever woman on its error page? Why do I get this feeling that this error page itself is an error? Is this a faux pas? Or a prank played by one of the horny programmers? Or a President's day joke?

What is it?

Samosas!

Warning: Explicit Content ;)!

Was watching The Big Bang Theory last night and was enlightened about a tiny little hindi slang word that I was just not aware of. Here are a few dialogs from that episode that will help you understand what i am really referring to:

Dialog 1 (Raj's parents are voice chatting with him from New Delhi (lol!). They recently got a brand new broadband connection (lol again!):

Raj's mom: "Do you remember Lalita Gupta?"
Raj: "That little fat girl who used to kick me in the samosas and call me untouchable?"

Dialog 2 (this is after Raj met Lalita Gupta. His parents are voice chatting with him again to know how it went):

Raj's mom: "You are wearing the boxers that we sent you, aren't you Rajesh?"
Raj: "Yes mummy."

Raj's Mom: "Because you know what happens to the samosas when you wear the tidy whities.."
Raj: "Can you please stop talking about my testicles?"

And there it was. I suddenly realized that testicles are (now?) called Samosas in hindi slang! I was dumbfounded, stupified, and laughed my lungs out! Samosas? Boy! Who would have though of that.

Did you guys know that Testicles are reffered to as Samosas? Please tell me I am not ignorant. Please tell me this is something new.

How could that word be not part of my dictionary? How did all my friends not use that word at all during daily life conversation? I thought I knew all the bad words, but I guess I was wrong! Did my ignorance/apathy/ennui discourage me from updating my already stunted vocabulary? Was I hanging around with the wrong people? (lol!)

I am sure the new generation kids from India came up with this word. However, I must admit that I found this word absolutely hilarious!!

The New Age Super Mario Theme

I'm going down to South Park....

I recently told an interviewer that my favorite TV show is South Park. Can you believe that! Lol!

Feast

My carpet had the time of its life yesterday. It got every good thing in life it could possibly ask for.

Cigarettes (the ashtray fell - thanks to me ),
Tea (the mug fell - Thanks Ban),
Chicken (Thanks Ban for dropping that tiny little piece of chicken wings),
and Beer (the bottle just slipped out of my hand (One too many you think? ;))).

Then we all laughed.

Gotta get a carpet cleaner real quick!..lol!!

Big Ol' Larry's Truck Yard....WOOOOOOO-EEEEEE!!!!!

From Crackle: Truck Sale!

I Fell!

My haircut was discussed in class yesterday. Axel thought it was gross, he was like, "Where do you go for your haircut ??". Angela thought it was nice.

Angela tells Axel, " Hey! Venkat got a haircut". This guy goes - No, he fell. Lol!!

I succumbed to temptation.

I have always been an anti - Sony guy. I strongly feel that their products are super inferior, not really great, and overrated to the power of n. When it comes to audio equipment, I have always relied on Philips simply because of the amazing quality and crispness offered by its products. In case of video games, I never considered the PS2 as an option, and I bought the XBox instead. Portable gaming systems - same thing. I bought the GameBoy advance long time back. But..

The GBA is extinct now. I wanted to buy the NintendoDS, but the only thing that always stopped me was the variety of games offered by Nintendo. I have grown up now, and Mario and Zelda do not fascinate me anymore. I don't even look at games like Pokemon and Cars. Nintendo's catalogue is more suitable for children 10 and below. Of course, they have some good games like NFS and Splinter Cell, but unfortunately, the graphics are not that good (NFS Underground2 looks so silly on a GBA).

A secret - I have always been fascinated by the Sony PSP. I really like the super huge screen, and its ability to display amazing "console like" graphics takes my breath away. I recently got to know that you can access the Internet on it too. Plus its ability to play music and movies is a big big bonus. UMDs are expensive, but honestly, used ones are not. However, my policy of not buying anything Sony made me ignore it for so long.

I could not take it any longer, though. I kept on thinking about the PSP. I realized what a wonderful piece of machine it is, and how it can help me fulfill my dream of playing "realistic" viedo games 24 X 7. I finally said fuck it, and bought the PSP yesterday. Now I am desperately waiting for it to arrive.

Just so you know, I am still against other Sony equipment.