Why can't I just stick to what I say/decide. Am I cheating myself? No, not at all.
I have realized one thing - another addition to the list of all the shit and crap that I have found out about myself. I tend to change my decisions according to my very own convinience. I may know that changing my decision now may hurt me in the future. But then, I wouldn't get an opportunity to say "shit happens" if I don't fuck up now, right?
Everything seems to be so aimless. It's like shooting in the dark - with a lot of optimism, thinking that the target would stay where it is now forever. Anxiety, stupidity, courage, hope, desire, excitement, fear - all these words ( I am not really sure if these are adjectives, verbs, nouns or pronouns - I suck at grammar) have become a very prominent part of my life these days.
On second thoughts, though, things are not really that bad. I will take things as they come - without expecting too much from life.
As I always say " I will go down fighting".