Oops!

I now know for sure that I put my own foot in my mouth. But I am not to be blamed. This is not really my fault.

Life has taught me one very important thing - shit happens only when you think it would not. You make promises to yourself, you decide to do something and suddenly you see that nothing is going the right way. That is when you face a big big dilemma - whether to stick to your promises or not.

I have decided to quit smoking and I am honestly trying really really hard. But these days I see only smokers around me - huffing and puffing to glory. I sometimes feel like I should not give up what I used to enjoy so much. But then, I think it's high time now. It's been more than 7 years now. Whew!

Do you really get the message?? OR

Do you get the real message??

Happy!

Yes. That is what I was today. Very.

I did not actually realize that until Rian explicitly told me that I looked really really happy today. He wanted to know the reason. I also figured out that he is actually right. I was happy. But the reason? Hell, I don't know. I just do not know. I tried to think about it. Maybe it was because I met "everyone" after a long time. But I am not sure if that was really the reason. Well, whatever it is, I was happy to know that i was happy today. I really had a good time.

But this doesn't necessarily mean that i was not happy till yesterday. Yes I was. But that was a different kind of happiness. I had long chats with a friend. Talked about lots of things in life. It was interesting, really interesting. I remember that I have talked about those things with Victim, and I must say that I really enjoyed those conversations. It's good to know that there are people who think (almost) exactly like you do, have done the same things that you have done. I get really excited when I find somebody who is more or less like me. I anticipate good friendship with such people. Victim was the first person in Normal with whom I shared experiences and stories, and I am happy to say that he is really a good friend of mine today. I enjoy his company.

I have been happy the entire week. But interestingly, the sources of my happiness have been differerent.

Work sucks.

It Happens

Shit happens.

Well, to be honest, I really don't know if I am in a position to justify this statement.

I spent a lot of time last month with myself. Of course, I spent a lot of time with family and friends too, but at the end of the day I was only with myself - thinking. Well, this is not really new. I used to think a lot earlier too, but probably about certain earthly pleasures, which every guy on this planet would think about. I don't know if I can say this but I think that my thought process has changed - suddenly/ overnight/ whatever. I still cannot believe it. I am not interested in girls anymore ( I don't know why I am writing all this, but this is something that people should know, you know, just to puncture all the misconceptions they have in their mind), I don't want a relationship, I don't want no one night stands ( not that I have had one!), no nothing. This is the time to explore myself. This is the time to know my favorite dishes, my favorite color, my strenghths, my weaknesses, and what not. Of course, I have successfully answered these questions before, but I do not know if I have ben giving the right answers. This may sound foolish, but yes, I really want to know myself as a person. I want to know how bad or good I am as a human being.

People back home want me to get married. Why? I am old enough to get married it seems. But what they do not understand is that one has to be mentally prepared to get married, not physically. A seven inch c*ck and a hairy chest do not make you eligible for marriage. You have to really know what you are doing. You have to be absolutely sure that you would conform to the "policies and procedures" of marriage. I don't think I can.I am still a kid. After all, I am only 26.

R.E.M.

A realization.

Goblin's friend came over the other day. I said Hi to her and generally asked where she was from. My heart skipped a beat the moment she said she was from Athens. I went back in time, 12 years back to be precise, when I started listening to R.E.M. I remembered how R.E.M. had influenced my life when I was a kid, what I had learnt from them and all the other reasons why I worship the band.
That night I remembered how I used to discuss potential trips to New York or Niagara or wherever with friends. Yes, travelling was, I guess the sole intention, but the only thing that was bothering me was that I ignored Athens, GA all the while. Big deal? Not really. But I kind of felt guilty. I felt that I have ignored R.E.M. the entire year.

And then last night I was telling Akash and Jimi the same thing, you know - "I have ignored R.E.M." and all. They both looked stupefied/ dumbfounded. They both had this " What are you talking about?" look on their faces. Ya, I know that happens when the other person does not know what you are talking about, and when your ideas are absolutely extreme and sound childish.

I have planned to visit Athens in December ( If I have the money, that is).

"Adventure has laid its claim on you
It's all you want to do.You
You know where to run
You run Electron Blue."

Make Way!

The R.E.M. background had to go. The text was so damn unreadable with His Excellency Mr. Michael Stipe singing in the background. Even I used to have tough times reading my own blog. So I thought I should kiss Mr. Stipe good bye. But to make up for this serious offence, I bought R.E.M.'s latest CD in India. Nah, I bought it because I wanted it.

More coming up. I am assuming a lot.