When You Are Engulfed In Flames..

Can't wait! I can't believe I would be seeing my favorite author tomorrow!

Bloggin On The Go..

I have decided to phone blog now so that I could use the physical keyboard on my phone more often. I am actually sitting in front of a computer but still not using it because I really don't have anything to talk about. Oh yeah, life has been kind of sucky and unexciting for a while now, but that's a different story.

So I was thinking that from now on if I am stranded at an airport, watching someone eat their food at a restaurant, see a baby crying, or see a dog lover get excited about their new pup, I will phone blog. There and then. Unlike those smart people who tweet in less than 140 words, I am going to write an insane amount of text about something that I find idiotic or hilarious. Oh, I have also decided to give twitter one more shot. I have tried it several times in the past, but always failed. This time I have downloaded the Twitter app on my phone also (I told you I am serious this time). I don't know what I will tweet about, but rest assured that nonsensical blog posts would show up here for sure (from my phone).

if the backspace was a character I would have many more words in this post - but I digress.

I have spent like 10 minutes typing now, and this post doesn't even make sense.

And my fingers hurt a little bit.

Trying to phone blog.

You Are So Funny....NOT!

Well, there are funny people, and there are funny people who are annoying.

I always appreciate the presence of funny people around me because they just do a hell of a good job at making me laugh. The one thing I like best about these funny people is that they would be conversing about something and suddenly they would say something that would be absolutely hilarious. Usually, they compare the topic we/they are talking about to something that they have experienced in the past, watched on tv, or read in a book. There are also those funny people who just randomly pull something out of their asses. What they say may or may not make sense, but it sure does crack me up (these are #1 on my list).

These are the kind of people I like. I always like it when they are being funny just because i love to laugh and they do a good job at making me laugh my lungs out. I always wait with bated breath for them to crack their  next joke!

And then there are the funny people who are annoying. Notice that I am still calling them funny.

These people have a good sense of humor, no doubt. But they are not the natural jokesters. Okay, sorry, they are, but they try too hard. Let me tell you what they do.

They crack a joke, and a person like me laughs. Immediately, two things happen. Either they get some kind of an ego boost and assume that their value went up on the "How funny are you" stock exchange, or they think that it is their moral responsibility to keep me happy by making me laugh constantly. And here is when they start mutating from funny to funny but annoying.

I usually don't like to break people's hearts. If they keep cracking jokes, I keep laughing (yes, fake laughter). But after a while my jaw starts to hurt, and I start blaming the supposed jokester for bringing misery to me. I immediately start praying to God to make that guy stop. If I am on an airplane, I immediately open a book or close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. But if I am in a social gathering stuck with this clown, I keep laughing. Sometimes the jokester sees my eyes water while I am laughing and immediately assumes that he is  doing a very good job. I wish he (sometimes she) knew that the tears were a direct result of the suffering his or her jokes (or should i say their will to keep going) were causing.

But just like so many other things in life it is pretty much impossible to escape this species. They are everywhere, and determined to ruin your day by being extremely funny.

Flying Woes

Air travel has never been easy for me. No, I don't vomit when the plane is mid air, nor do I get panic attacks like some people. I am one of those guys whose flight is always delayed or canceled. If not delayed or canceled, I miss it, and it's never my own fault. I have been known to sleep at airports (on the cold floor) on numerous occasions, or sprint at full speed to catch my next flight (which I still miss), and that happens because my bad luck is always working overtime to keep me away from my final destination.

I recently realized that I am always in the last seating zone (it has always been 4). I have never been in 2 or even 3 (1? forget about it!). I am always at the end of the queue to board the flight. What makes this matter worse is that usually with Seating 4 "everyone else" is allowed to board the flight which means that those assholes from Seating 1, 2 and 3 who missed the announcement earlier get to board the flight with me, which in turn means that if they join the queue before me then I am further pushed back in the queue. But that's not the worst part.

The worst part is that because I am one of the last ones to board, all the space above the seats to keep your carry-on is full, and I always have a tough time dealing with adjusting others' luggage to make way for mine. Sometimes I have to give my bag to the flight attendant and she finds space for it somewhere. Occasionally the bag would go at the back of the plane, which means that I have to wait for it to come to me when I deboard, and if I am in a time crunch, this situation makes sure that my next flight is missed.

Since traditionally I have had such a horrible experience flying in and out, don't I deserve some kind of a nice treatment in the future to make up for all the sufferings? How about Seating 3 to start with?

I m Sending You An Email And Guess What..

Some people I know have recently been provided with smart phones, and needless to say, these folks are now sending emails from their phones to everybody. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with it. That's in fact a smart move. Send emails while watching tv, playing with your kids, driving..it's all good.

But here's the problem - they either do not want to type a lot on that tiny keyboard, or they have just become goddamn lazy (and rude), because what they do is they type the actual message in the subject of that email, and leave the body blank. Now when I read the subject line of that email on my phone or computer I obviously open it, thinking that there would be details in the goddamn body of that email. But guess what, I am always surprised because there is no goddamn text in that email. It's freaking blank!

That pisses me off. Why? I will tell you why.

Because 1), it wastes my time and energy. Reading the subject first and then opening the email (anticipating a detailed message) only to find out that there is nothing else being mentioned is an insult to my efforts. When I put some energy trying to get more information from an email, I expect to be rewarded. If you want to send one line messages to everybody, send us all a freaking text message on our phones. If you are too lazy to do that then at least mention "end of message", "that's it", or "over and out" (or whatever) at the end of the message in the subject line.

2) I just think it's rude. An electronic message is made of a number of parts (To, subject, body etc.) and I feel that each component of an email should be respected by providing content that it's meant to accept. If you are sending me just a file via email and I know that you are going to do that, then it's okay. Send me an email with an attachment and an empty body. Go crazy, I don't mind. But sending the message in the subject line is like disrespecting the "Body" part of that email. It's like snatching a toy from your kid and giving it to your dog. The kid doesn't deserve that treatment (I am okay with you snatching the toy from your dog and giving it to your kid though). And like I mentioned earlier, it's just rude to send an email without text in the actual goddamn body.

Lately I have been noticing a pattern. I can spot the email that would have an empty body instantly, and the first thing I do is cuss. I call the sender an asshole.

There. I am done bitching, and I feel good now.

Babies

After watching Multiplicity last night, I thought to myself - Why doesn't somebody mass produce babies and sell them at  stores so that we could just go and pick one (fair skinned babies would be a huge hit with Indian parents!). The babies should come with certain features though - they  should never get hungry, never cry ( hate it when they cry in supermarkets and airplanes), and perhaps never grow up (some people complain that they loved their kids so much when they were little). 

I love babies, but not sure if I can handle one of my own. I would rather have a dog. Or a spider. Even a fairly sophisticated robot would keep me entertained for years (Should recharge its own batteries though).

I Am A Football Expert Because I Update My Facebook Status Every 10 Seconds

There's one aspect of smart phones that I am not really liking these days, and that aspect is the Facebook app. Now don't get me wrong. I spend most of my time holding my phone or my iPod Touch and checking out Facebook updates. However, there is something that is kind of annoying me, and it will stop on the 11th of this month for sure (I hope).

We all love football, and the last three weeks or so have been extra special because of the World Cup. Now this is where my problem starts. It goes without saying that everybody (including the ones who have never played football passionately but have watched the Lipstick League on cable every year) is an "armchair expert" of this game. I don't mind that. We all have opinions, and we all make judgments. Nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is that all of those so called experts are updating their Facebook statuses every 10 minutes on their phones. 

"OMG! OMG!"

"Handball!"

"That was not a fair yellow"

"$&^k the referee"

..and the list goes on.

I know that there was a goal. I know somebody got a red card, and I freaking know that the referees are not doing a good job. What I don't know is why you all cannot just quietly watch the game and keep your excitement and emotions to yourself or the people around you? 

Being a Facebook junkie, I keep checking my Facebook all the time, and all I see are these insane statuses - every 5 - 10 minutes. The biggest mistake I make is when I comment on somebody's status (or even just Like it for that matter). I keep notification emails about the fifteen of my friend's friends who just commented on his status right after mine. The phone keeps beeping and when I check my email, all I see is "Asshole # 1 commented on your Assholic friend's status", "Asshole # 2 commented on the same Assholic friend's status", and so on.

I don't mind post match comments, but commenting every 5 minutes while the game is still in progress? Don't you understand that nobody gives a chhit about your updates? And also, don't you know that those updates are awfully annoying (yes they are, if you said no to that question)?

I know nobody cares about the emotional trauma I go through when I read those updates, but please, for the love of God, let me watch the games in peace. I am not complaining, I am just saying that I don't want my phone to keep beeping all the time during my game only to tell me that an armchair expert just made a comment about a yellow card. 

Enjoy the World Cup my awesome Facebook friends!

Haye Mirchi!!

This audio clip should hopefully show up soon on a website I am working on...as background music. It would be part of a roughly 30 second stop motion video I am making to promote a website my friends have been working on.

I hope you like it :-).

Hello!

Quick post - I have not been blogging at all because I am bored. Of blogging. Well, that's not entirely true. I am bored, yes, but I am also lazy.

I have been wanting to blog about a certain things but procrastination made sure that i did not.

Just today, however, I noticed that I have had a surge in the number of visitors to my blog over the last one month or so, especially from Texas, NY, and Northern Europe (hello to you all and everybody else!).

Do you all like reading this blog? I don't know, but I am inclined to assume that you do.

So starting today, I will write more regularly (and also probably revive my other blogs), and see if my blog continues to interest you.

Thank you for your time and interest everybody!