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I HAVE MOVED!

Blogspot has been quite nice to me, but I find it kind of stale and boring now. I blog here now: http://daftmale.tumblr.com/

I wish everyone a Happy New Year!

When You Are Engulfed In Flames..

Can't wait! I can't believe I would be seeing my favorite author tomorrow!

Bloggin On The Go..

I have decided to phone blog now so that I could use the physical keyboard on my phone more often. I am actually sitting in front of a computer but still not using it because I really don't have anything to talk about. Oh yeah, life has been kind of sucky and unexciting for a while now, but that's a different story.

So I was thinking that from now on if I am stranded at an airport, watching someone eat their food at a restaurant, see a baby crying, or see a dog lover get excited about their new pup, I will phone blog. There and then. Unlike those smart people who tweet in less than 140 words, I am going to write an insane amount of text about something that I find idiotic or hilarious. Oh, I have also decided to give twitter one more shot. I have tried it several times in the past, but always failed. This time I have downloaded the Twitter app on my phone also (I told you I am serious this time). I don't know what I will tweet about, but rest assured that nonsensical blog posts would show up here for sure (from my phone).

if the backspace was a character I would have many more words in this post - but I digress.

I have spent like 10 minutes typing now, and this post doesn't even make sense.

And my fingers hurt a little bit.

Trying to phone blog.

You Are So Funny....NOT!

Well, there are funny people, and there are funny people who are annoying.

I always appreciate the presence of funny people around me because they just do a hell of a good job at making me laugh. The one thing I like best about these funny people is that they would be conversing about something and suddenly they would say something that would be absolutely hilarious. Usually, they compare the topic we/they are talking about to something that they have experienced in the past, watched on tv, or read in a book. There are also those funny people who just randomly pull something out of their asses. What they say may or may not make sense, but it sure does crack me up (these are #1 on my list).

These are the kind of people I like. I always like it when they are being funny just because i love to laugh and they do a good job at making me laugh my lungs out. I always wait with bated breath for them to crack their  next joke!

And then there are the funny people who are annoying. Notice that I am still calling them funny.

These people have a good sense of humor, no doubt. But they are not the natural jokesters. Okay, sorry, they are, but they try too hard. Let me tell you what they do.

They crack a joke, and a person like me laughs. Immediately, two things happen. Either they get some kind of an ego boost and assume that their value went up on the "How funny are you" stock exchange, or they think that it is their moral responsibility to keep me happy by making me laugh constantly. And here is when they start mutating from funny to funny but annoying.

I usually don't like to break people's hearts. If they keep cracking jokes, I keep laughing (yes, fake laughter). But after a while my jaw starts to hurt, and I start blaming the supposed jokester for bringing misery to me. I immediately start praying to God to make that guy stop. If I am on an airplane, I immediately open a book or close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. But if I am in a social gathering stuck with this clown, I keep laughing. Sometimes the jokester sees my eyes water while I am laughing and immediately assumes that he is  doing a very good job. I wish he (sometimes she) knew that the tears were a direct result of the suffering his or her jokes (or should i say their will to keep going) were causing.

But just like so many other things in life it is pretty much impossible to escape this species. They are everywhere, and determined to ruin your day by being extremely funny.

Flying Woes

Air travel has never been easy for me. No, I don't vomit when the plane is mid air, nor do I get panic attacks like some people. I am one of those guys whose flight is always delayed or canceled. If not delayed or canceled, I miss it, and it's never my own fault. I have been known to sleep at airports (on the cold floor) on numerous occasions, or sprint at full speed to catch my next flight (which I still miss), and that happens because my bad luck is always working overtime to keep me away from my final destination.

I recently realized that I am always in the last seating zone (it has always been 4). I have never been in 2 or even 3 (1? forget about it!). I am always at the end of the queue to board the flight. What makes this matter worse is that usually with Seating 4 "everyone else" is allowed to board the flight which means that those assholes from Seating 1, 2 and 3 who missed the announcement earlier get to board the flight with me, which in turn means that if they join the queue before me then I am further pushed back in the queue. But that's not the worst part.

The worst part is that because I am one of the last ones to board, all the space above the seats to keep your carry-on is full, and I always have a tough time dealing with adjusting others' luggage to make way for mine. Sometimes I have to give my bag to the flight attendant and she finds space for it somewhere. Occasionally the bag would go at the back of the plane, which means that I have to wait for it to come to me when I deboard, and if I am in a time crunch, this situation makes sure that my next flight is missed.

Since traditionally I have had such a horrible experience flying in and out, don't I deserve some kind of a nice treatment in the future to make up for all the sufferings? How about Seating 3 to start with?

I m Sending You An Email And Guess What..

Some people I know have recently been provided with smart phones, and needless to say, these folks are now sending emails from their phones to everybody. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with it. That's in fact a smart move. Send emails while watching tv, playing with your kids, driving..it's all good.

But here's the problem - they either do not want to type a lot on that tiny keyboard, or they have just become goddamn lazy (and rude), because what they do is they type the actual message in the subject of that email, and leave the body blank. Now when I read the subject line of that email on my phone or computer I obviously open it, thinking that there would be details in the goddamn body of that email. But guess what, I am always surprised because there is no goddamn text in that email. It's freaking blank!

That pisses me off. Why? I will tell you why.

Because 1), it wastes my time and energy. Reading the subject first and then opening the email (anticipating a detailed message) only to find out that there is nothing else being mentioned is an insult to my efforts. When I put some energy trying to get more information from an email, I expect to be rewarded. If you want to send one line messages to everybody, send us all a freaking text message on our phones. If you are too lazy to do that then at least mention "end of message", "that's it", or "over and out" (or whatever) at the end of the message in the subject line.

2) I just think it's rude. An electronic message is made of a number of parts (To, subject, body etc.) and I feel that each component of an email should be respected by providing content that it's meant to accept. If you are sending me just a file via email and I know that you are going to do that, then it's okay. Send me an email with an attachment and an empty body. Go crazy, I don't mind. But sending the message in the subject line is like disrespecting the "Body" part of that email. It's like snatching a toy from your kid and giving it to your dog. The kid doesn't deserve that treatment (I am okay with you snatching the toy from your dog and giving it to your kid though). And like I mentioned earlier, it's just rude to send an email without text in the actual goddamn body.

Lately I have been noticing a pattern. I can spot the email that would have an empty body instantly, and the first thing I do is cuss. I call the sender an asshole.

There. I am done bitching, and I feel good now.

Babies

After watching Multiplicity last night, I thought to myself - Why doesn't somebody mass produce babies and sell them at  stores so that we could just go and pick one (fair skinned babies would be a huge hit with Indian parents!). The babies should come with certain features though - they  should never get hungry, never cry ( hate it when they cry in supermarkets and airplanes), and perhaps never grow up (some people complain that they loved their kids so much when they were little). 

I love babies, but not sure if I can handle one of my own. I would rather have a dog. Or a spider. Even a fairly sophisticated robot would keep me entertained for years (Should recharge its own batteries though).

I Am A Football Expert Because I Update My Facebook Status Every 10 Seconds

There's one aspect of smart phones that I am not really liking these days, and that aspect is the Facebook app. Now don't get me wrong. I spend most of my time holding my phone or my iPod Touch and checking out Facebook updates. However, there is something that is kind of annoying me, and it will stop on the 11th of this month for sure (I hope).

We all love football, and the last three weeks or so have been extra special because of the World Cup. Now this is where my problem starts. It goes without saying that everybody (including the ones who have never played football passionately but have watched the Lipstick League on cable every year) is an "armchair expert" of this game. I don't mind that. We all have opinions, and we all make judgments. Nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is that all of those so called experts are updating their Facebook statuses every 10 minutes on their phones. 

"OMG! OMG!"

"Handball!"

"That was not a fair yellow"

"$&^k the referee"

..and the list goes on.

I know that there was a goal. I know somebody got a red card, and I freaking know that the referees are not doing a good job. What I don't know is why you all cannot just quietly watch the game and keep your excitement and emotions to yourself or the people around you? 

Being a Facebook junkie, I keep checking my Facebook all the time, and all I see are these insane statuses - every 5 - 10 minutes. The biggest mistake I make is when I comment on somebody's status (or even just Like it for that matter). I keep notification emails about the fifteen of my friend's friends who just commented on his status right after mine. The phone keeps beeping and when I check my email, all I see is "Asshole # 1 commented on your Assholic friend's status", "Asshole # 2 commented on the same Assholic friend's status", and so on.

I don't mind post match comments, but commenting every 5 minutes while the game is still in progress? Don't you understand that nobody gives a chhit about your updates? And also, don't you know that those updates are awfully annoying (yes they are, if you said no to that question)?

I know nobody cares about the emotional trauma I go through when I read those updates, but please, for the love of God, let me watch the games in peace. I am not complaining, I am just saying that I don't want my phone to keep beeping all the time during my game only to tell me that an armchair expert just made a comment about a yellow card. 

Enjoy the World Cup my awesome Facebook friends!

Haye Mirchi!!

This audio clip should hopefully show up soon on a website I am working on...as background music. It would be part of a roughly 30 second stop motion video I am making to promote a website my friends have been working on.

I hope you like it :-).

Hello!

Quick post - I have not been blogging at all because I am bored. Of blogging. Well, that's not entirely true. I am bored, yes, but I am also lazy.

I have been wanting to blog about a certain things but procrastination made sure that i did not.

Just today, however, I noticed that I have had a surge in the number of visitors to my blog over the last one month or so, especially from Texas, NY, and Northern Europe (hello to you all and everybody else!).

Do you all like reading this blog? I don't know, but I am inclined to assume that you do.

So starting today, I will write more regularly (and also probably revive my other blogs), and see if my blog continues to interest you.

Thank you for your time and interest everybody!

Pop Goes The Corn..

I am not writing about anything exciting. In fact, most of the things I write about are mishaps.

Here's another one.

I recently decided to make some "white chocolate popcorn" (I made that name up). The "recipe" for it was provided by my super cool (ex) boss. Basically, here is what was to be done - get white chocolate, melt it, and pour it over the popcorn. Simple, right?

Wrong.

Why?

Because I was involved.

I was in a very relaxed mood that night - I just wanted to watch some tv and do nothing else. Usually I just grab a bag of chips and start munching, but that (fateful?) night I was a little ambitious. I decided to make the "white chocolate popcorn", not the regular popcorn you losers eat.

Kidding.

Anyway..

I started with the white chocolate bar. The bar was sitting in the fridge for a few days so it was as rigid as the stones used to build the Pyramids. I decided to just keep it on the counter to thaw it, but soon ran out of patience. I used my awesome (not really) knife to cut three huge blocks of that chocolate bar and almost ended up stabbing myself in the thumb.

Now was the time to melt those big boys, and so I did.

In the microwave.

For 3 minutes.

And started watching TV.

At the 2nd minute and 50th second I got up to take a gander at the inside of the microwave, and for a moment could not really comprehend the situation.

Why were there angry black bubbles blowing inside the microwave? Is white chocolate supposed to turn black after heating up? I didn't think so either. Those black bubbles made a certain sizzling sound, and I sensed that something was not right.

In fact, nothing was.

I quickly stopped the microwave (with 3 seconds still left) and opened the door to see my tupperware totally massacred! The black bubbles were made not by the chocolate but the melting plastic, when it was crying in pain, and seeking help.

I was flabbergasted. I had completely underestimated the power of the microwave. At that moment I was thinking that melted chocolate straight out of the microwave has the capability of becoming the deadiest weapon ever. A few seconds later I started thinking about the mess that was to be cleaned in my kitchen.

I then realized that those classic vessels and the stove still exist for a reason. I quietly cut three more blocks of the chocolate and put them in a vessel and melted them on low heat on the stove.

Slowly, and patiently.

And within a few minutes (15?) I was pouring some rich and smooth white chocolate over my popcorn.

The end result.

I munched away to glory watching yet another episode of "It's Always Sunny.." on the DVD. Fifteen or so minutes later I smelled something.

Burning.

With the usual "Oh shit" coming out of my mouth, I leaped and ran towards the stove to see that I had kept the empty vessel on the stove without turning it off! There was just a little bit of chocolate stuck to the bottom here and there, and it was all burning and turning black.

But the damage was not a lot. I quickly washed the pot and the stains went away fairly easily. I kissed my tupperware goodbye (by throwing it in the trash can) and continued to enjoy my popcorn.

All's well that ends well (thanks Boss!).

Good Riddance To..

A lot of people know about this blog now, thanks to that goddamn Blogger application that I installed on Facebook. I didn't like the fact that some assholes who did not know earlier that this blog existed were also reading it and commenting on the "notes". I always had the urge to write about random things that kept coming to my mind but stopped at the last moment because of the reason I just mentioned.

So I uninstalled that goddamned app.

If you are reading this "note" on Facebook then I did not write it.

Oops, I Did It Again!

A while ago I was thinking about how and where I embarrass myself, and came up with these:

The Hindu temple: I have a knack for saying or doing something that kind of irks the pandit or the people at the temple. The last time I went to the temple was around a month ago because it was an important occasion (and my mom forced me to go). That day I went to the temple wearing a green t-shirt with guitars on it, a faded blue jeans, and Chucks. When I entered the temple, I saw everyone else dressed up nicely (men in formal pants and buttoned shirts or kurta and women in sari)- and immediately felt ashamed of myself. I quickly offered my prayers and sneaked out quietly. To read more about my temple stories, click on the Temple Drama label.

During random conversations: I lose interest very quickly if the conversation is not interesting - I completely stop paying attention. My brain is always looking for opportunities to hibernate, and that is what it successfully does when I lose interest in a conversation. The two things that do not hibernate and remain active all the time though, are my head and vocal chords. So during a "lost interest already" conversation I keep nodding my head, and I keep saying "umhmm, umhmm", "yeah", "sure" and similar things just to maintain the continuity of the conversation without letting the other person know about the situation. But some people are smart - way too smart. They somehow come to know that I am not paying attention. They suddenly stop talking, and ask me, "so what did I just say?". Oops. That is when I shit bricks in my pants and grin like an idiot. I also admit defeat and say "sorry (I wasn't listening)". :D

Note: If you are talking to me and all you hear me say is one of the things I mentioned above, then you (now) know what's going on.

Social gatherings: I was telling someone recently about my "performance" when I am around other people - inconsistent. I can either be very comfortable and keep blabbering and clowning around like a buffoon , or, turn totally antisocial and just keep my mouth shut. Usually the antisocial situation occurs when either I do not know what the people are talking about, or people do not get my jokes. People not getting my jokes is more embarrassing because it's kind of awkward when I am the only one laughing like an asshole at the end of the joke. So if I am with you (and your friends) and I am acting strange, it's your fault.

Accent: It doesn't happen anymore but it used to when I came to the US a few years ago - I obviously had problems understanding the accent. If somebody said something and I didn't understand, I would just reply back keeping in mind the tone of their speech, and go, "yes", or "yeah" or "oh yeah? ha ha ha". I am sure everybody thought I was a jackass.

Note: It still happens once in a while ;-).

I think I am going to embarrass myself even more now. I am not happy about the fact that this post is going to show up on Facebook.

*sigh*

Quick Update

It's time to give this old blog of mine some well deserved attention. Blogging has always been fun, and not writing on a regular basis makes me sad. The sister blog should be getting some love from me too.

I will be blogging on ctrl+alt+startup's blog too on a fairly regular basis. So far, I have been doing what I do best - procrastinate. I finally posted something there last night. I hope I made Web Ninja, Code Monkey and Chief Operating Babe proud. Read more about ctrl+alt+startup here.

I also started a new picture blog around an hour ago. I will post some pictures there that I take with my SLR. The idea is to learn and perhaps let others learn. As of now I don't think I would be discussing too much technical jargon, but i hope i do in the near future.

Women And Motor Cycles

A strange question popped up in my mind a few days ago, and the question is - "What are the similarities between women and motor cycles?"

Here are some of the answers I have come up with:

• They both look good in red or black.
• They make a lot of noise.
• You can ride both of them.
• They can be high maintenance.
• If you take care of them they make sure that your ride is smooth (no pun intended).
• Mishandling them may land you in a world of hurt (both emotional and physical).
• They both look most beautiful when they are just standing in a corner without indulging in any kind of verbal/noise emanating activity.
• Most of us do not like to share them, but some of us are okay with sharing them with others - on a fairly regular basis.
• Riding them for too long may cause body (back?) pain.
• Sometimes you look at somebody else's and instantly wish that you had theirs.
• If treated well, they both would stay with us for the rest of our lives.

Dream On..

I have been seriously thinking about a lot of things.

Not many people know about it, but when I was a kid I wanted to become a musician. However, growing up in India really meant that I was to focus my energy on my studies. Also, my parents never really encouraged me to learn a musical instrument (they did want me to learn classical music when I was very little, but I refused). I think one of the reasons why they did not encourage me was because they could not have afforded the lessons, the instruments and the works. And again, like I mentioned earlier, they wanted me to focus on my education. 

Since the last few days I am thinking about making my dream come true (I know it sounds very dramatic, but I am seriously thinking about it). I want to be a musician. I am not planning to be in a band and cut an album and tour and all that. I just want to learn a certain instrument very well (guitar?), get some recording gizmo, and make an MP3. That's all I am planning to do. The day I make my mp3, I will smile. My heart would smile. But now the problem is this - I know how to play the guitar, but I don't know how to play the guitar. I mean, I can strum some chords, do a little bit of picking here and there etc., but when it comes to the technicalities of it - I fail. I fail because I do not know most of the stuff associated with good guitar playing. If you ask me to tune down my guitar half a step I wouldn't know how to do it. So my plan is:

Learn to "really" play the guitar: I had ordered a set of "Learn Rock Guitar" DVDs around 8 - 9 months ago. I did do a few lessons from it but lost interest later. It's time to relearn those lessons and learn new ones.

Record stuff: I don't know how to record. I looked up recorders and mixers and stuff on musiciansfriend.com and got totally lost and confused. None of the jargon used to explain the functionalities of those gizmos made any sense to me. So I ordered this. I would learn what the things do first, and then order stuff and learn to use them.

Create MP3 and distribute it for free.

Sounds simple, no?

Another dream of mine has always been to learn photography - like really learn stuff and click amazing pictures using the technalities involved in photography, and not just click pictures with my point and shoot randomly without knowing what is really going on in those pictures. For that I would require an SLR.

I looked up some cool SLRs online today, and instantly shat my pants. Those cameras are not cheap - even the ones for beginners are around 500 bucks. I checked Amazon, and BeachCamera. And then I checked Best Buy. I had almost given up hopes of buying an SLR when a certain offer grabbed my attention on Best Buy's website - "no interest on orders of 499 and up if paid in full in 18 months."

!

So I applied for their credit card...

And got it instantly!

At that very moment I ordered the Canon Rebel XS, and went to the store to pick it up, with a smile on my face of course! I picked it up, came back home,  and opened the box only to find out that they had actually given me the Rebel XSi, and not the XS, which is a lot more expensive and has better features! I looked at my clock and realized that the store was about to close in 10 minutes. I called them to let them know of the mistake they had made, but they did not answer. I tried again. Same thing. Then I emailed the store general manager explaining the entire situation. I wrote that I want what I paid for, and that I would return it tomorrow and get the XS. The XSi is now sitting in my room inside its box, doing nothing.

But atleast I am glad that I have started chasing dream # 2. I am hoping to learn a few tricks quickly and click some nice pictures.

Oh and ofcourse, dream # 1 should hopefully see the light of the day some time soon too :-).

And yes, as of now, my parents' dream of me getting married soon can go to hell :-).

I just wish I had spent some more time with a few people I did not spend so much time with.